And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

1 Peter 5:10

This year has been so hard. I have finally finished my first year as a college student, and I have been through so many trials that I never expected I’d have to go through. Packing up my stuff a few days ago, I felt a deep sigh of relief escape my lips as I realized that I wouldn’t have to sleep one more night in that dorm room. I didn’t hate it at all – in fact, I loved it – but this year has been a whirlwind of losing people I love, competing at a new athletic level, and battling against worldly passions I hadn’t faced before. This year has been scary and lonely, but ultimately, it has been good.

Reflecting back over the last year, I have learned so much about what it means to be human. I have learned the pain of loss, and the brokenness that follows that, and I’ve learned it in more ways than one. From losing contact with someone so important in my life as a partner and friend, to losing a coach and mentor to a rare disease, to losing friendships that I thought were secure. These losses had left me in a vulnerable and broken place, and I have had to learn to find my security in God first and foremost.

In my brokenness, I made choices that were out of character for me, and it taught me a very important lesson. Previously, I had felt so secure in a false perfection, thinking I was immune to temptation and sin. In the past few months, I have learned what it means to fall short, to fail, and to accept grace when I don’t deserve it. As my mask of self-righteousness has fallen, I have learned that I need a Savior more than I ever thought I did, and I am so thankful for that. He has clothed me in a new righteousness that directs my steps toward becoming a more Heavenly spirit.

In all, I have learned what it means to lose someone I love in more than one way. I have learned what it means to be human, and to desperately need grace. I have learned that my weakness is not shameful, but instead a call to dive into a deeper strength. I have learned how to be alone without being lonely because I have a friend in the King of the Universe. I have learned what it means to stand on Biblical truths when it feels like those around me aren’t. Ultimately, I have learned what it means to truly need and rely on the Lord for everything.

This deeper intimacy is still growing. It started when I was young and knew I wanted to dedicate myself to the God I felt present in my heart and in the hearts of those around me. It was sealed while I was still growing into a teenager as I committed my heart to something I didn’t fully understand or know I needed. After that commitment, the Lord has held me fast in His grip that transcends my human understanding. Through trials and doubts, He has always held out His good hand, full of love and grace. In my weakness, I am strong; in my doubts, I become certain; in my failures, I find grace.

I am praying for a summer at home with my family that will solidify these new truths. I want to live in a way that honors and glorifies Him who saved me. I want to love others with the same love and grace that I have received. Most of all, I want to deepen my intimacy with the one I call Father, King, and Friend. Here’s to a new season of growth with the King of Kings!